Monday, June 2, 2008

Gone Girlfriend

“My girlfriend is gone for a couple of weeks. I miss her. What should I do?”
--All Alone and Lonely

Ah, the lewd jokes I could write…

Missing someone means so many different things. I think it can be useful to unravel those strands a bit. Do you miss talking to her? Snuggling with her? Seeing her smile? Playing a game together? Hearing her laugh at a joke?

Figuring out what is missed can make finding a solution easier. (And yes, I do know that sometimes we just miss everything single thing there is about a person. If so, I promise it won't hurt to try some of my ideas anyway. I freely admit that there are no miracle cures.) Talking on the phone can be glorious. Sometimes the extra distance and the focus that the phone imposes create a very valuable space for discussing all kinds of things. Physical touch is important for people – a hug from a friend, visiting a much-loved niece or nephew, getting a massage, taking a very hands-on martial arts class – there are many ways to increase physical contact, which can do a lot to alleviate some feelings of physical isolation. Taking note of mundane things she’ll enjoy hearing about can be great fun. Good pictures of each other can be invaluable. And a well-worn unwashed t-shirt is a great snuggle aid. Of course, hanging out with friends and enjoying games, movies, life – that’s all good. Always good, actually.

I think a lot of my ideas boil down to two basic concepts… Find ways to connect with her and honor her unique importance to you, AND find ways to meet some of the needs she usually fills on your own and with friends.

And then enjoy her homecoming.

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